Category: “MS. STTEEARRNNS!”

Today, exactly 6 years ago I graduated high school. Today approximately 9 hours ago, I watched my first set of high school seniors graduate and I couldn’t be more proud of them. A lot can happen in 6 years, but this post is not going to be about all of that. Maybe some day I will write one about how much I have changed.

On my seniors last official day of class, I gave them each a handwritten note, a chocolate bar with a customized wrapper – which had a Golden Ticket inside giving them permission to finally find out my political views – they have been dying to know all year! I also read a few words I put together. Below are those words. I wanted to document this here (on a blog I inconsistently post on and not very many people read…) in the hopes it can bring some sort of meaning to anyone who stumbles across it, or in case my former students discover this blog and simply need some encouragement. Hopefully there will be more posting over the summer since things will be a LOT less hectic for me. And to any former students of mine reading this just remember: I am proud of you, I believe in you, and if you ever reach out or visit me, it would truly be an honor – just now I will still use all of my weird sayings because “it’s a whole thing” so “do with that what you will.”

To my Graduating Seniors of 2021,

We all entered this school year feeling uncertain. A school year always begins with uncertainty; who will be in your classes, will you get along with your teachers, which classes will be the hardest, and so on. But this year, all of us, myself included, were burdened with additional uncertainties such as will there be sports, or a prom, or a graduation, will I get quarantined, and even will we get to stay in-person?

In the beginning, I had my doubts about us remaining open. Everyday I thought this would be the day there would be one too many sick staff members, or this would be the day the government would announce a closure. One month. I hoped we would have at least one month together before being shut down. And somehow, all these months later, here we still are. With each passing day, my heart filled with gratitude because I never thought I would get so many of these days with each of you.

You all have so much to be proud of. And this would remain true even if there had never been a pandemic. Pandemic or not, every year there are people who for one reason or another never graduate high school. Throughout your time at Highland, you have seen people in your grade go out the front door and never come back. But you stayed and you finished. This ability to persevere through tough challenges and become a stronger person is called resilience; a trait which is essential to succeeding throughout the rest of your life.

Now the time has come for you to enter a new life stage. Transitions can be tough and so can closures, though you all are certainly capable of handling both. The amount of growth I witnessed from all of you during this year was truly astonishing. You all became better workers, better learners, and above all better people. At the start of the year I told you all I hoped this class would help you to grow in those ways and I’d like to think it played a small part in your growth. But in reality, you all are the ones responsible for your success.

People often claim teaching is a thankless job but I think it is full of gifts if you know where to look. Joy and thanksgiving often appear in the little things all of you do for and with me each day, whether it’s saying hi, joking around (though maybe some of you do this part a little too much!), asking insightful questions, getting passionate about certain issues, and just filling me in on parts of your lives as you transition into adulthood.

Supposedly, the first class a teacher has is especially hard to say goodbye to, but saying goodbye to all of you is not hard because you all are first; it is hard because of who you all are. The pain I feel regarding our time coming to an end is a blessing because it attests to how special you all are. Teachers say they forget a lot of their students over the years, but I cannot imagine forgetting any of you. Even if I do forget you one day, it doesn’t change the fact that I care about each of you very much, even though of course, I dislike you all equally. 

My college admissions essay reflected on the life my grandfather lived and what he went through as a result of Alzheimer’s disease. Because of this disease’s potential to pass down through generations, it made me realize there is a real possibility I could one day forget everything I will accomplish in my life, just like he, and so many others have. This includes my time with all of you. But it also might not happen, and even if my memory fades one day, whether it’s the result of a disease, or simply the natural aging process, it’s not something to worry about. Because me possibly forgetting something doesn’t mean it never happened. And just because I may not remember, doesn’t mean others will forget. So even though I may forget you, I hope you remember me.

I hope you remember me not out of my own self-interest or vanity. I hope you remember me because remembering me means remembering there is always someone out there who believes in you and who wants nothing but the best for you. I hope you remember me in the difficult times, when you want to quit, so that you realize giving up on yourself is not what you are meant to do because I know you are capable of resiliency. I hope you remember me during the best times of your life and when you achieve something amazing because I always knew you could do it. 

I am so proud of all of you already, but I am even more proud of what you will do, or even more importantly, who you will become, and I hope to hear from you about it down the road. To end this before things get even more touchy feely and sappy, I will miss you all, and I wish you the best of luck, so do with that what you will.

Looking back on the last few years, it is strange to think my life today is what it is. If I had stuck with my original plan, I would be halfway through law school right now, having received my undergrad in 2019. My original plan had no switch to a lower income than a prosecutor, a teaching career, delaying graduation by a year, or a pandemic. It would certainly be a fascinating parallel universe to live in. But I guess God had the latter in mind for me, and everyone else His plan has led me to meet. After spending 5 years (with two summer semesters) in college, and graduating in a time of globally political, social, and economic uncertainty, I landed a high school social studies teaching job in the small town of Ault, Colorado. Although there were times where students had to be quarantined, the school remained in-person, not shutting down a single time all semester (well, there was one glorious snow-day!). Even though I am no longer on the student end, I learned a lot from my experiences and now the time has come for me to share some of the highlights.

Assume Nothing

We all make preconceived judgements about people and this is not necessarily a bad thing but most things about someone are not apparent right away. Some students who I initially thought would struggle in my class ended up being some of the strongest, and others who I thought were going to dislike history, ended up being the most invested in some of the activities we did. People cannot be boxed and labeled and that includes high schoolers. However, assumptions go beyond people. For example, I assumed due to Covid, the school would shut down. We never did, though the quarantines did require getting creative with how to simultaneously teach kids who were not physically present and the ones who were sitting right in front of me.

Also, I assumed I would always have working internet; this assumption shattered when the server crashed Monday morning of finals week, leaving the entire school with no internet for two days. Oh and, the grade portal was inaccessible even from home for those two days, making grading impossible for almost half of the last week of the semester. Honestly this lesson seems like it should be something I am already supposed to know, such as when I assumed I’d be in the process of becoming a lawyer, but God already knew one other thing I learned while I taught this semester; most information needs to be taught multiple times and in multiple ways to actually sink in – and it still may not actually sink in.

High schoolers do not possess the art of subtlety.

Maybe this is only because I am a younger teacher and grew up with handheld technology, but it is really easy to tell when a student is on their phone or doing something not related to class on their Chromebook. Smiling or any other indications of joy are a dead giveaway; they look far too happy to be stuck in class reading and writing or listening to me talk. And some of them actually jump or make a noise when they are playing a game online or watching a video. My observation skills in general have never been good, so if it is this easy for me to notice these things, it really says a lot.

People like to learn.

I have some students who hate history. I also have some students who hate school. And I have many students who claim they have no desire to learn. Often times, before the bell rings I end up in the following conversation:

Student: “Ms. Stearns, what are we doing today?”

Me: “We’re learning! Just like we do in this class every day, aren’t you excited?!?”

Student: *audibly groans and walks away looking dejected. *

Okay, I understand how this appears to disprove my point. But the reality is, some high schoolers are not aware they actually like to learn, so sometimes it requires a bit of trickery on my end. Perhaps this sounds sneaky and manipulative – I’ll be honest, it kind of is, but it truly is for their own good. There are many ways I do this in my classes, sometimes it involves telling a weird story that is either based off of something historical or it has some other sort of lesson. Other times it involves allowing them to debate or incorporating fun aspects into an assignment or activity. And fun facts can be great too – for example President William McKinley always had a carnation pinned to him because he thought they were lucky, but one morning in 1901, he gave it to a little girl before going up to give a speech, and then got assassinated during said speech.

Guess what? You just learned something, congratulations! Even if you already knew the McKinley fact, you have still been learning and will continue to do so by reading this post, whether it’s more about me, teaching, God, or life in general. It is sneaky, but effective.

It is difficult to be extremely introverted and teach…But it is possible.

The whole lockdown ordeal has not hurt me as much as it has many others, Nobody in my family or my house with three other roommates have gotten Covid, I don’t know anyone who has died, I am employed, I still graduated, moved, found a church, and my job is in-person. Beyond those major aspects of Covid-related occurrences, my introversion, which I often consider a blessing and a curse, means I am content with less social interaction than more extroverted people. This is quite nice when there are so many restrictions against social activities. But it can make teaching rough.

Turns out, having 83 kids to interact with on a daily basis, can be draining. Fortunately, I have found ways to cope. I often get to school an hour early, which gives me time to be by myself before the day truly begins, I make the most of being alone during my planning periods, and designate times to spend alone outside of school. Plus, the drive is about 35 minutes, which is a nice span of time to be on my own as well. Overall, I am pleased with the balance I have struck.

Help has to be accepted to actually be helpful.

I allow students to get partial credit back on multiple choice sections of tests if they come in during lunch or after school to do test corrections during the following week. Some students do them, but many don’t. I wrote down the list of assignments for a student to complete in order to get their grade up to passing, but they did not complete a single one. I called a senior on the phone twice during class, begging them to not drop out, but while they came by to see me, they did not return to class the rest of the semester. When I think of these moments among others, I often think I must have let them down, and try to think of how I could do better the next time to reach them. But in the end, what good is help, when the recipient rejects it? Forcing help is ultimately unhelpful. I will always care, and I will always have my hand extended, but it is important to not blame myself every time a student refuses to grab it.

God reaches out to all of us, not just to help, but so we can know Him and experience relationship with Him. And there are people who reject that too. Obviously, unlike God, I am not perfect, but this is one of His many characteristics that He’s revealed to me through my job over the course of the semester.

Even the students who pretend they don’t care, want to know their teacher cares.

“Ms. Stearns, it is obvious you actually care about us.” A student said that to me one day when I was talking about the importance of their mental health. I intentionally do what I can to make it clear I care about everyone in the classroom, certainly grade-wise, but more importantly, as people. One student early on was failing my class and most of their other classes. I emailed their parents before conferences and they all showed up to my room conference night. The student said they did not care about school, and just wanted to do manual labor jobs which required no degree. But I asked about what would happen if they got injured, or too old. High school, I explained, may not be enjoyable, but it is about playing the long game; by having a degree, it gives more job options, it provides for backup plans if an injury happens, or the natural aging process. This student passed my class and will likely pass their others this semester.

I think it is also important to note, I had to send this same student to the office earlier in the week. They likely felt as if I didn’t like them, that I would hold some sort of grudge against them for misbehaving. But now they know I do not view them any differently than anyone else I teach. I tell my students all the time “I dislike all of you equally.” This is essentially to say, favoritism will not happen, and no matter what you do or don’t do, I will still value you just as much as anyone else. I am not perfect, and I remember the stupid things I did in high school, so why would I stop liking one of my students when they stumble? God loves me and everyone else the same amount, even though all of us do wrong, and often in different ways.

I often expect more of myself than my students expect of me.

Right before the end of the semester, a student asked me to give myself a grade on how I did this semester and I gave myself a C, because there was so much I can still do better. They were shocked and immediately told me, for workload I get a D (this student, like many others complains every time they get assigned something!) but in everything else I get an A. Apparently this class is their favorite, even though they admitted early on they have no interest in learning about government. Other students have told me they really like my class and they say they have fun because the way I teach is entertaining. Others say they find me easy to talk to and are happy to have a teacher they feel comfortable speaking about things unrelated to school. Other teachers have told me students in their classes have said that I’m a “hard-ass,” but that they appreciate how I seem to care and push them, and how this is the most history they ever learned.

Hearing these things feels great. For approximately 15 seconds.

There is a constant voice nagging me in the back of my head. ‘Surely, the other teachers are just saying that to boost your confidence. Surely, the students only tell you they like you in the hopes you’ll raise their grade. Surely, you noticed how many things you did wrong today. Surely, you don’t actually believe your students really learned enough. Surely, you realize it is only a matter of time before you mess up so badly and irreversibly and then everyone will know, you are not actually good at this.’ Unfortunately, just telling this voice to go take a hike is typically ineffective.

Certainly, there are and always will be things for me to improve but having to work on things doesn’t make me a bad teacher, just like how a student who performs badly on a test, isn’t a bad student. I told my students I don’t expect them to be perfect, but I expect them to grow, (and they have!) and that needs to be what I expect of myself too.

Thinking about how I ended up where I have today and the lessons I learned from my first semester reveals so much about our Creator. The final lesson I will share today is God is good, not because of the lessons or the events that transpired in my life, but simply because He is. Even if I were pursuing law, or teaching remote, or unemployed altogether, He would still be good. But I am thankful that He allowed me to follow this path and learn more about Him in this way, with a job a love and students who brighten my days. I am not one to get overly emotional, but I know full well I am going to cry at the end of the year when my seniors dramatically enter my room loudly exclaiming “MS. STTEEARRNNS!” for the final time, and again when they graduate, and maybe again when I finally tell the graduates my political views (they are dying to know, they even created a poll and debate over it during lunch!) And if you are one of my students who graduated and are reading this months, or years later, hi!

If you’re intrigued by this post and looking forward to what I’ll write about in the future, you can expect a new post at some point in the future. Also, if you feel inclined, feel free to leave a comment below about what you think. Thanks for all your support and I hope you’ll come back the next time I post. Stay Amazing!