The What If Game

In less than 48 hours I will be trying to learn the names of over 100 teenagers, meeting school staff members, lesson planning, and diving into student teaching. Over break I told person after person how excited I was to finally be getting to do what I am passionate about (albeit for no pay), to really learn the ins and outs of teaching, to build up my own knowledge and skills, and of course, to help kids learn, grow, and reach their full potential. And all of this is true, I am so excited. But me being me, I have a few concerns about this whole ordeal. Once again, I decided to play a game that is impossible to win. I call it ‘The What If Game.’

For those of you who have never played, or don’t know the rules of this game, they are quite simple; continuously create a bunch of frightening hypothetical scenarios that will likely never happen, and trick yourself into thinking you are being proactive by preparing for them when in reality you are actually just scaring yourself more and not getting anything constructive accomplished. It is a fairly simple, yet dangerous game. For your amusement, here are, in no particular order, a few of my what ifs that I have created over the past few days regarding student teaching, varying greatly in levels of seriousness and overall likelihood of occurring:

• What if all of my students hate me?
• What if all of the staff hates me?
• What if I am trying to teach and all of a sudden, a giant bee gets in the classroom and stings my face?
• What if an asteroid hits part of the building?
• What if a student mistakes me for a high schooler and hits on me?
• What if none of my students like Harry Potter (Honestly one of the most frightening thoughts on here!)?
• What if I accidentally teach some incorrect information?
• What if a student shows up to class with a hermit crab (apparently this happened to a teacher I know one time so it’s very possible!)?
• What if I ruin a kid’s life?
• What if I really mess this whole thing up?

As previously stated, winning The What If Game is impossible. It is best just not to play it, but unfortunately, I tend to get easily sucked into playing, especially with major events going on in my life, such as student teaching. This game typically blows all anxieties out of proportion. A student probably won’t show up with a hermit crab and if they did, I know I can figure out what to do. There’s bound to be at least one student who likes Harry Potter, and this hypothetical at least serves as a reminder that I will never be as bad of a teacher as Umbridge was! And as far as ruining a kid’s life, I need to do a quick pride check if I truly believe I am such an incremental part of a student’s life that it would truly be possible to ruin their whole life, especially since I am actively trying to care for and help my students.

But nevertheless, the worries continued coming in until it felt as if I was battling a giant monster. In fact, this morning I was reading 1 Samuel 17, which is the story about David and Goliath. At first glance it reminded me of my situation. Of course, I am clearly no David; I am like one of the cowering Israelites. In situations that scare us the most, or in areas where we are facing extreme difficulties, we always play the role of the cowering Israelite and ultimately have to rely on God, who in this story was working through David, to help us in our struggles. With God alongside me, I knew I could tackle this whole student teaching thing. But upon further examination, I realized I had miscast-ed my ‘Goliath.’ My Goliath is not student teaching. Student teaching cannot be the enemy because it is actually a beneficial step in my career journey. My Goliath is not the school staff because they are there to support me, and my Goliath is not the students because they are why I am going into teaching.

My Goliath is the compilation of all of my fears.

Basically, I have DIYed my Goliath. So that’s just great. But it’s pretty hard to defeat a Goliath when you don’t even know who your Goliath is, so at least I am now on the right track. My Goliath, the result of The What If Game, is not something I can defeat on my own. And since it’s an abstract concept, some rocks and a slingshot aren’t going to cut it either. Many pieces of my Goliath are the lies I am telling myself, such as ‘I am unprepared,’ ‘I do not deserve to be a student teacher here,’ ‘Any mistake I make is going to ruin everything, so I have to be perfect.’ That last one hits the hardest and certainly applies to more areas than student teaching.

And this is where God comes in. Because where Satan brings lies, God brings truth. ‘I am prepared and capable, both because of my classes and experiences and because God has equipped me.’ ‘I have worked hard to become a student teacher here, and ultimately I am where God wants me to be.’ ‘I will make some mistakes, but I can use them to learn and do better in the future and God will be there all along the way.’ When you have the Lord as your support system, Goliath can be crushed.

I suppose it is fitting that today’s daily Bible verse in the Bible App was this:

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Philippians 4:6

I am taking my fears regarding my upcoming student teaching situation to the Lord. I am choosing to give thanks that I have this incredible opportunity and am ultimately requesting that He be there every frightening step of the way. And by giving this up to God and quitting The What If Game, my Goliath will fall and then I can focus on all the exciting aspects of this semester as a student teacher. It’s going to be a great way to start the decade and end my time in college. Wish me (and my students and colleagues) luck!

If you’re intrigued by this post and looking forward to what I’ll write about in the future, you can expect a new post at some point in the future. Also, if you feel inclined, feel free to leave a comment below about what you think. Thanks for all your support and I hope you’ll come back the next time I post. Stay Amazing!